For a long time, I didn’t think I had a people pleasing problem. I thought I was just hardworking. Dedicated. Reliable.
I was a personal trainer and boot camp instructor, and my days felt like they were blending into one long stretch of obligation. I’d wake up early for morning sessions, train clients straight through the afternoon, teach boot camp in the evenings, then come home and work my travel business—booking trips and handling client requests late into the night.
On paper, I was “doing well.” I even slept a decent number of hours most nights. But I woke up exhausted.
When Every Day Is a Workday, the Body Keeps the Score
I told myself I’d take weekends off. That didn’t last.
Saturdays slowly filled up with clients who “couldn’t make it during the week.” Then I said, okay, at least Sundays are mine. Sundays were supposed to be for rest…laundry, maybe even church… or just breathing.
And then came the messages:
“LaToya, I really need you on Sundays. I work during the week.”
The guilt hit immediately. Oh and the temptation of extra money didn’t help either. So, I said yes.
What started as flexibility turned into working every single day with no real rest. No pause. No recovery. No space for my nervous system to come down.
This wasn’t just poor scheduling, it this was a lack of boundaries rooted in people pleasing.
I Didn’t Respect My Time — So No One Else Did Either
Looking back, one truth is painfully clear:
I didn’t respect my own time, so why would anyone else? I rearranged my life to keep others happy. I avoided disappointing people at all costs.
I believed my value was tied to my availability. And slowly, I drained myself dry.
My nervous system was constantly activated. My body never felt safe enough to rest. I was always “on,” always anticipating someone else’s needs, always pushing past my limits.
My Body Started to Show What I Wouldn’t Admit
I began losing a lot of weight and not in a healthy way.
And the wild part? Mostly everyone close to me, said nothing. They watched me shrink. They watched me grow more tired. They watched me deteriorate.
Only two people — my clients who were also my friends — said something.
One jokingly said, “Where’s your ass going?”
Another, who was nutritionist looked at me and said, “Oh LaToya, honey… this is bad. You need to eat. You’re getting too skinny.” Then went to the kitchen returning with an arm full of different snacks.
That one hit hard. Not because of me getting “too skinny” but because they were the only ones who cared enough to tell me the truth.
And that was the moment I couldn’t ignore anymore. I was destroying my body trying to keep everyone else comfortable.
The Painful Truth About People Pleasing
What hurt almost as much as the burnout was realizing how many people benefited from my overgiving, without ever checking on my well-being.
But here’s the part I had to take responsibility for:
I taught people that my needs came last. People pleasing taught my nervous system that safety came from being needed, not from being rested.
And my body paid the price.
Rest Is Not Selfish — It’s Survival
That experience became a lifelong reminder for me: Taking care of yourself first is not selfish. It’s basic dignity. It’s survival. It’s self-respect.
And one thought always brings me back to center. Even God rested on the seventh day. If God takes rest — who am I to believe I’m above it?
What This Taught Me About Time and the Nervous System
People pleasing is not just an emotional pattern. It’s a time management issue. It’s a nervous system issue. It’s a health issue.
When you don’t set boundaries with your time:
- Your nervous system stays in overdrive
- Emotional regulation becomes impossible
- Burnout becomes inevitable
- Your body eventually speaks up — loudly
I learned the hard way that no amount of money, praise, or approval is worth sacrificing your health. Now, rest is non-negotiable. Boundaries are sacred.
And my time is treated with respect — by me first.
Because when you respect yourself, your nervous system finally gets permission to rest. 🤍
Want Support With People Pleasing & Setting Boundaries?
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I understand this, but I don’t know how to apply it in real life,” you’re not alone. This is exactly why I created my Telegram Coaching Mentorship.
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- Support that fits into real life, not another thing to keep up with
If you feel like you’d benefit from having someone in your corner as you learn how to regulate your emotions, reduce stress, create healthier habits and set healthy boundaries in everyday situations, you’re invited to join.
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